My New Year Resolution

         Every year, around this time of the year, I have a New Year resolution.  I have resolved this year to redo my every year resolution. To eat more salads. The problem is I hate salads. To the core.

            Why did I think I could blog about salads? I guess because I have so much to say about something I detest? Well, don't we all? What we hate most we can't stop obsessing over. Right?

            We have vegetables in India. Our vegetables are so varied and the vegetable dishes are called kootu or poriyal or kulambu or Sambar, depending on how they are cooked.. But I did not grow up with salads. Any reference to salad in India was lime seasoned cucumbers and tomatoes. But the American salad was different. Arugula and baby spinach. Iceberg and green leafy lettuce. Can be eaten raw with a bunch of toppings, vinaigrettes or dressings.  Caesar? Cobb? Harvest? House? Ooh sounded so healthy. So new. So adventurous.

            After several bouts of weight loss attempts, I decided if vegetables and salads can satiate my hunger and hold off that sweet craving, it has to be worth something. If they hold 0 points in my point calculating program, I can eat unlimited servings. If they are an absolute essential in my fiber intake, why not give it a try?

            Sooo, I convinced my taste buds that they like salad. Went to the store and bought a big stash of salad, salad dressing, croutons. The whole 9 yards. This was going to be the thing that turns me from overweight to over the moon. Several days later, my husband found a bag of rotten, blackened soggy bag of unrecognizable goop in the fridge. If not for the labeling on the package, we'd have never known to this day what it once was. I tried it again after several months- more goop, more broken promises. More salad dressings to replace the expired ones. More croutons that taste excellent by themselves. Who needs a salad when you have croutons???

            But I have not sworn them off. I still proudly order a salad in restaurants and curse myself when the bowl arrives. It is like eating your veggies. Can't live with it, can't live without it. Wait!!! this is eating veggies! No wonder this is so hard. I still reach for the biscuit basket more than I should be digging into the salad bowl. Oh for Pete's sake, the biscuits are so darn tasty!

           What is a New Year resolution you battle with? Let me hear it. Maybe that can be another post for another day in my blog. But tell me about the battles we lose that we don't have to, Battles we wage fearing we will not win. Battles that we have lost even before we started..

             I am happy to let you know, I have resolved to make a New Year resolution. It is going to be good. Not easy but it will be good.

My Peppermill - 2015

          Last year was peppered by rather unusual events in my life. Nothing life threatening or life altering but they were unusual. Unusual enough for me to write about it. UNUSUAL GOOD THINGS AND NOT SO GOOD THINGS. Unusual enough to surprise me and shake me up a bit. I refer to that partly as getting older! It was as soon as I turned 40, it was like a switch being turned on. Physically, I could see some numbers churning up, emotionally some moments taking a steep dive. Every single time this happened, I wish I could say I handled it with grace and dignity. But sadly, I cannot say that. I had reacted in the most basic way. I went off the deep end of worry, discouragement and eventually anger. Every single time. Thought of every worst case scenario, vocalized my fears to my close circle, lived and breathed in fear, second guessed every choice and was devastated at the possibility of things never turning around. I was astounded how easily I could let myself  be shaken like that. I dug myself some logical reasoning  and some justified excuses and called them my pitfalls. Anger was my vent....Sarcasm, my shield.

             In younger years past, I had imagined myself to face such moments with courage and Faith in God. Indeed, I did, many, many times, turn to God in Fear not Faith.  I prayed like there was no tomorrow. God was so gracious in restoring peace to my shocked, simple life. He held me up and steadied my walk and yet I would let go of His mighty hand and slip and fall. I thank God for my husband. If not for God and my husband, I'd be a mess. Both took turns and kept me going.

              As another year starts, I am not looking forward to roses but more of reality. But I resolve to put my Faith into action, read my Bible and be rooted in Christ. As soon as I say that, I snicker because this was how I started my last year. But like I said, I worship a gracious, forgiving God who smiles down on me and says "it's ok, child. You can try again and I will be with you every step of the way."

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you for the hope I have in you. Thank you for the Faith I can count on you and thank you for allowing me to falter so I can try again with you. Here's to another year of God's grace and mercy, to experience in my life and to impart in others' lives.

When I reread my post, there is nothing significant to 'saying something in Indian' about all of this. oh well, but a girl can write from her heart!