In the last few months my heart has been on a rollercoaster. Not physically, just emotionally. My son goes off to college in a few days. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not going to write like those bloggers who write so beautifully and fluently about the philosophy of bidding farewell to teenagers. Mine is just going to be my take on the bicultural balance of raising my son in an Indian household in the American soil with our parenting skills learnt from both cultures and letting him take on the American world by himself.
It's not like this was a surprise. This is like waiting to deliver a child. It's not just waiting nine months, we have waited for almost 18 years. We knew this was coming and yet when I realize how soon this is coming at me, my heart tightens.
When I consider all the friends he's going to have, the strides he will make in his life, the degree that he will earn at the end of the next few years, the job that he will land, my heart swells.
When I see my younger child gaze at her lifelong companion in wonderment and bewilderment as he prepares to leave her behind for college, then my heart races. In his absence, will she blossom? will she wilt?
When I see that his clothes are packed, his toiletries being readied, to do lists scattered here and there, then my heart sinks.
When I see him pray in earnest, recite Bible verses,when he takes so much pride in his summer jobs, when I see him beam with confidence and apprehension all in the same moment, then my heart rate rises and falls.
When I ponder how he will be treated in his life, will it be for who he is? for the beauty of his heart and his personhood? or would it be based on his skin color? and be treated different from others? then my heart stops.
I cannot begin to imagine what his mind is going through. After all at the end of the day, this is more about him than me nursing my arrhythmic heart back to rhythm.
When I begin to panic,I turn to my solace and read these verses. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight". Proverbs 3:5-6
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24
At this, my heart calms down. He’s got this and he’s got this.
Be still,my heart.
Be still,my heart.
