Today my husband and I
celebrate our 15th wedding Anniversary! If you have been wondering, yes,
It was an arranged marriage. God has been good to us and I believe we have been
good to each other!
On this beautiful day 15 years ago, we had an
arranged marriage but against popular belief of arranged marriages in India, it
was not a forced marriage nor was it arranged when we were kids. I have been
asked all sorts of questions by my American friends about having an arranged
marriage, I have pondered writing a book, but as life would have it, at this
juncture, this blog is my best bet.
As for my Indian friends, no one
bats an eyelid over such marriages, all their parents got married in similar
fashion and most of my friends did. Some found their own spouses, some during
college and some through the internet! In my case, I was absolutely comfortable
in letting my parents find me my husband. They did the hard part! Checked family background, education, economic
stability, job security of the suitor and then presented the details to me. All the things that would have made it
profoundly much longer and tedious if I had dated and pryed that information
myself. In this case, both families disclose details which sets the ground for
openness and honesty. In a way, the parents iron out the kinks and there are no
shocking discoveries to me made along the way! Next came the part of consenting to be
married! That does not come light or quick. Here I am , agreeing to spend the
rest of my life with this man I do not know, a lot of thought had to put into
this but with years of praying diligently, it took me 3 days to say yes. And say
yes, I did.
From my years in the United States,
and watching people get married, my kinda' getting married seems all so upside
down. We did not date for years or cohabit or plan our wedding together. He did
not propose in one knee and I did not get a ring. No rehearsal dinners or
wedding dress fitting stress. No in-laws stress. No arguing over the wedding
dinner menu. We spoke a lot on the phone
and emailed regularly. We planned our shopping list for the house we are going
to live in and got busy renting an apartment
and buying furniture. We planned on how we will live and how many kids
we'd like to have. It seemed be just the right kind of getting prepared for me.
Once we got married, getting to know my husband was like opening a gift. I knew
it was a good one, because I had prayed
for it. Was I apprehensive whether I'd like it when I open it? Big time
Apprehension. And when I did open the gift, thru' the initial months of being
married, I had forgotten what apprehension was and had fallen head over heels
in love with this man I had married. And the stories we shared about our
childhood to each other and getting to know the person you are married to, in
small yet profound, deliberate steps. There was something magical and
beautiful. Not at all intimidating or mindboggling as you would imagine. It was
indeed, just perfect for us.
If there is one lesson I had learnt
in this 15 years, Marriage, arranged or not, is not easy. It is a lot of work ,indeed.
Looking back, so many things could have gone wrong along the way and we are so
grateful it didn't. We were not perfect by any means. We held onto God like a
lifeline through the years. Our kids humbled us, God refereed us, Prayer strengthened
us and they continue to.
